Tag Archive | relationships

The Opportunity for Temptation

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHe said these words to her as though she should be proud of them. As though they should give her comfort in his affairs, and treatment of her in their marriage. As some sort of championship feat, unmatched by his extramarital affair lovers. She was silent and tears rolled down her face. This was the final straw. She knew it was over. It was more than past time to walk away. She felt something she hadn’t felt before since she first found out about her husbands affairs. Utter humiliation, entangled with anger. Not toward Jason, but herself for allowing the situation to escalate to this level of disrespect. He opened his eyes and looked at her because he could feel her tears hit his chest. She stood and went into the bathroom to clean herself up. But instead, fell to her knees in front of the shower and burst into tears. She couldn’t control her emotions. She usually held her tears until she was alone. Which wasn’t often, as her son Jared spent almost every waking moment with her because she didn’t trust what he would say if she weren’t there to buffer his conversation with others. And, from the first few weeks following her finding out about the affairs after Jared mentioned that he hears her crying often, even when alone she’d stopped showing emotion. But like a time bomb they exploded, and she cried out in a crumpled heap on the bathroom floor. He closed his eyes, sighed and whispered to himself, “Ugh, Jason, what’s wrong with you. That was insensitive, even for you. That was too much. Go get her. Hold her in your arms and comfort her. You have to fix this, Jason. That was too over the top.” He got out of bed, went into the bathroom, he knelt beside her, and pulled her into his arms, “Trina. Come here, baby. Come here. I got you…I got you, baby.” He kissed the top of her head, “Shhhhh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby. That was cruel. I’m sorry, Trina. I’m sorry…okay, baby.” She wept, but allowed him to hold her. As crazy as it may seem. She really needed to cry in his arms and was angry with herself that she wanted to be there. Because that fact, to her at least, showed just how much control he had over her. She desperately tried to no avail to control her tears. Her body shook as she began to rock back and forth and cried out almost to the point of screaming. All the hurt she’d felt over the last six or seven months came exploding out of her. She had never fully allowed herself to weep. Between being with Jared most of the day and Jason at night, she’d learned to suppress her emotions about the affairs. Her pain filled the room, and the air became thick and stifling. Jason now understood the magnitude of how much pain and suffering he’d caused his wife to endure. For the first time he felt remorse, and her tears tormented him. “Come on, Trina. I need you to stop crying, okay.” She continued to weep. There was no stopping her. “Okay, come on baby, please stop. I said I was sorry, okay. Come on Trina stop crying baby. Ugh…baby, I promise I won’t talk like that when we’re in bed together anymore. I won’t talk about them when I’m with you, okay. Come on, baby…stop crying.” She could feel his body stiffen, but she couldn’t stop crying. Every fiber of her being hurt and every level of pain inside of her. She was overwhelmed by what she had endured in her marriage. She felt like she had a ten-pound hair ball in her stomach, and began to cramp. She was battling to keep her sanity, and her emotions were being extracted from her body. The almost unbearable pain in her stomach ached as though she were being pushed through a meat grinder, with the butcher just out of her reach with no way to stop him from turning the crank handle. She had never felt so much pain. She could feel the blood being forced through her veins and arteries at a rushing speed and she feared she would lose consciousness at any moment. How can emotional hurt bring this type of force, she wondered?

Trina and Jason Morris

~The Opportunity for Temptation~
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Twenty-One Days with God

Day Thirteen: At day thirteen I found myself in a place where I thought I knew the answers.  I could hear the words…“Not my will but thine be done”.  Now in my deep spiritual way of thinking I assumed I knew what God was asking of me.  But God revealed to me that I would soon come to realize exactly what He means by that ‘no so simple’ phrase. We must realize that when we declare these words out of our mouths we are authorizing God to make all the decisions for us and we are willing to accept and follow those decisions and directions without resistance!

In our deep moments we often use the phrase “Not my will but thine be done” not taking in consideration that His will is going to take you out of your comfort zone.  His will means less world and worldly pleasure and more time with Him and kingdom principles.  His will requires sacrifice and obedience, denying oneself and anything else that comes against His word and the knowledge of it. It means that you will encounter several challenging trials and will quite possibly require you to relinquish your relationship some very close friends.  Too often we really don’t mean “Not my will but thine be done” what we really mean is “Lord I will if….”  I will if it’s convenient; I will if it doesn’t require a lengthy sacrifice and denial of worldly pleasures.  Some of us are willing to give God three days of sacrifice but what if you get to the third day and the Holy Spirit says…keep going?  Keep fasting until I say stop!  What if the word stop doesn’t come for six months?   What if……what if…..ask yourself….what if? Lord I release you to change me!

I was nervously looking forward to day Fourteen now realizing what God required of me was nowhere near what I imagined in my finite way of thinking.  I would have to step my game up to even come close to beginning to take the steps in the direction the Lord was leading me.

But shakily I looked forward to…DAY FOURTEEN!